I’ve never been afraid of heights. However, I am afraid of falling.
This fear is fairly new to me. I think it began last spring. The night before I left for Paris, France for spring break, I had a horrible dream that the plane crashed. Upon sharing this nightmare with my father, his kind words of advice were: “Did you know most airplane crashes happen in the first 13 seconds of take off or landing? Do what I do, count to 13 once the plane is off the ground.” Well. That was helpful.
So now I sit there. Frantically counting to 13, keeping my eyes squeezed shut, my fingers digging into the armrest. I’m sure I look absolutely insane, but I don’t care once I reach 13. I can finally breathe, and I’m alright until the last 13 seconds of the flight.
See, it’s not really that I’m afraid of flying. I love to travel, and I’ve been on a plane numerous times. I’m not afraid to look out the window and see the tiny houses and cars below me. I’m just afraid that something will go terribly wrong, and the plane will go spinning out of control and crash into the ground (or water as the case may be).
And I know all the statistics, like how you’re more likely to get struck by lightning than to die in a plane crash. Statistics like that mean nothing to me, because I’m pretty sure if it were to happen to someone, it would happen to me.
And I know what you’re supposed to do if the plane does go down. I know you should remember how many rows you are away from the exit, so that when the lights go down, and there is smoke everywhere, you’ll know where to go. I know you’re supposed to actually pay attention to the flight attendants, and plan your exit strategy so you don’t sit there in a frozen panic instead of trying to escape.
I think the hardest part for me is letting myself fly, and not thinking about the fall. I think this is true for me professionally as well. I have a lot of dreams, and I know they will take some risk to be able to achieve them, so I have prepared myself to fly. I like adventure, and I’m ok with some risk. It’s that little piece of me that is worried about falling, about failure, and about not succeeding. I am good at letting go of certain fears, and going for what I want. But how do I know I won’t fall?
It’s definitely one of those age-old dilemmas where the worst that can come out of it is pretty much about as bad as it can get. I mean, realistically, we can cite all the inspirational quotations and philosophy brilliance that have been spouted over the last few centuries, but the fact of the matter is that reciting an inspirational quote isn’t going to stop you from flying into the side of a mountain or nose-diving into the Atlantic Ocean.
On the flip side, we can live our whole lives like that, thinking that the fall could be the worst thing that could ever happen. Or we can just be the ones to jump out of the plane before it crashes. Take, for example, asking a girl on a date. It can be absolutely terrifying, but once it’s done, it’s done. Even if she says “No dice,” the crash isn’t ever as bad as we’re afraid it will be. Sure those first 13 seconds of awkwardly trying to sound somewhat smooth are rough…and the 13 seconds at the end when you’re crashing and burning aren’t all that fun, but once it’s over and done, at least you took off and asked. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.
Bottom line for me is that I tend to expect that I’ll awkwardly fail in some capacity in any life situation I stumble into (be it job efforts, girl ask-outing, or humor attempts). Luckily, we’re invincible as long as we’re alive, so the crash won’t ever kill us.
Unless it’s literally a plane crash. Then it might kill us. But I’d rather die on my way to greatness and glory than live forever in a mundane existence.
(See how I turned that into one of those cheesy, useless inspirational quotes?…that’s me crashing and burning…)
Fortunately for you Mike, I happen to love cheesy, useless inspirational quotes. I appreciate the response.
I’d like to be the one that jumps out of the plane before it crashes, and I hope I am. I wonder if the way to succeed in doing that is by having a plan on how to react to the ‘disaster,’ or just by trusting your instincts and knowing when to jump before you fall.
There’s also some dignity in going down with the plane in flames. In certain situations, bailing is cowardly. Those that jump out of the plane before it crashes, leaves others behind on the plane for doom when you’re all in it together. Rather than doing something to constructively help others in your same situation. The difference is 1) knowing when to get the H out of the burning plane and 2) when you’re all responsible for the cause of the crash and you need to see it through. Even if it ends in disaster.